worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
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He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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