i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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