He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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