And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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