just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
