Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
