You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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