About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
