I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
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30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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