is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
