haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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