He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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