I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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