I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize