I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You're so nebulous sometimes
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
