You're completely useless in the revolution.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
