I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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