Soap is not a condiment
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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