I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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