I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
