The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
