So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
im calling her cock vulture from now on
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
