don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
