weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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