I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm like, not good at living.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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