I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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