How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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