If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
