im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
