she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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