Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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