I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
me + whiskey = a bad person
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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