TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
