Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize