my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
