these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
