I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize