Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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