i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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