i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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