I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
