i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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