Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
