Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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