in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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