sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
