I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
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Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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