About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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