Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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