I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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