you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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