doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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