I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
