shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
