I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Someone shattered a urinal.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
