SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You ate ashes out of my bong
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
