after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
