Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have aggressive nipples.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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