It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
