why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
