Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want nice things and good sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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