are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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