Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
