i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
