When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
