If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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