omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
