At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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