Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
