I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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