if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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