Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
