She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
