Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
