Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
