it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
