He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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