it hurts more in the daytime
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
