I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
