Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
