you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
