The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
