My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
