i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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