You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
