I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
