The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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