My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
